What To Bring A New Mum

Your friend/sister/cousin/neighbour has had a baby. Maybe its a while since you've had your little ones, maybe you don't have any yet or your baby brain simply won't function properly and your at a bit of a loss as to what gifts to take. Apart from the obvious nappies, sleepsuits and bibs what do we really, really want?

Faith, trust and fertility dust!

Quite a few friends, family members and readers have asked me whats happening on the fertility front.

What's happening? 
Is there any update?
Are you expecting yet?

Well, no nothing is happening. There is no update. I'm not expecting. That bump is Chinese takeaways and crisps.

Might not have, must haves!

When you know you're expecting it's easy to get swept up in the must haves, needs and wants when deciding what to buy. There are some things that may not be the top of your list or you may not have thought off.

There were a few things I hadn't had on my list but looking back I wouldn't have been without them.

Here's my top five might not have must haves!!


1. A shaped baby bath

The highs and lows of working part time

I'm one of the lucky mummies that since having my little one has been able to reduce my hours and work part-time. Don't get me wrong I'd much prefer to not work at all but that isn't financially viable for us at the moment and part of me, a very tiny, incredibly small part, likes to go to work now and again.

There's a lot of pros and cons with working part-time.

How Do They Do It?

First, let me say this post is not meant to be patronising in anyway whatsoever. I simply want to share a realization I have had over the last few weeks. A realization followed by admiration.

Let me set the scene. It's Sunday morning and babs is shouting from his cot. He is clearly not happy. There's what sounds like proper crying, not the pretend I want to eat biscuits and watch bloody Peppa kind, the proper kind and as hubs soon discovers there's a good cause. A lumpy, sicky cause. Yes, there's sick in the bed.

Why You Shouldn't Frown On 'Hand Me Downs'!!

When I discovered I was finally pregnant I quickly set about making a list of the things I needed and wanted for our little bean. When I started to add up the cost I felt a bit sick and it wasn't just morning sickness or too many ginger biscuits! As our pregnancy news spread the offers of secondhand items started to flood in but I didn't know how I felt about it. We'd waited so long I wanted as many shiny new things as possible. I spent ages searching the internet looking for the best deals for everything from cots to clothes. It was simple though. We just couldn't afford it all and we needed to consider accepting the hand me downs and secondhand items being offered to us.

There's A Fault On The Line!

As I write this one of my oldest friends is in slow labour with her first child. I feel all kind of emotions. Excited for the new arrival and that my friend is joining me on the mummy journey but nervous for her at the same time knowing what she still has to go through.

I find myself wondering if this time next year I could be holding my own new arrival. Another hobbit sized person in our home and our family.

The chances are I won't be.

I had hoped by Christmas I'd be giddy on Clomid again. I say giddy its more hot, hormonal, tearful and a bit sweaty. Yes, I had hoped for this but it would mean we are closer to having another baby.

After the cock up at the doctor's last week it now seems so far away.

When the shitty just gets shittier

The last couple of weeks have been pretty shit. It feels like an endless conveyor belt of shitness, so obviously feel I should share it with you.

It Starts

That's it then. It's official. The fertility train has pulled in at the station and we are on the platform with our tickets.

Avoiding The Inevitable

Today I avoided a phone call from the Doctors surgery. This involved wrestling a toddler to stop him answering the phone but I decided I didn't want to talk to them. Initially I didn't know why but as I put Joseph down for his nap a couple of hours later it dawned on me. As I stroked his little ginger head and wished him a peaceful sleep I thought about what we had been through to have him.

The two laparoscopy and dyes, the numerous blood tests, the trips to the hospital, the dieting, the numerous people looking up at my front bottom, followed by a difficult birth, have all taken it out of me. I really don't know if I have the physical and emotional strength to go through it again.

The reasons why I'm unsure about baby number 2

Within moments of your first born making their arrival the inevitable questions start.

"Will you have another?"
"When will you have another?"

And with the questions comes the 'advice'.

"Don't leave too much of a gap."
"You're pushing 40, don't leave it too long." (I'm 33, you nobhead)

But the thought of having another feels me full of warm fuzzy, motherly feelings and the same amount of dread all at the same time. A friend recently asked me why I wasn't sure and I spilled out a bucket full of reasons.

Here's the most rational ones.

What I've learnt so far

Time has passed so quickly and our little babs will be 2 in a matter of weeks. I can honestly say that the parenthood road has been bumpy. I've tried my best but yes I've made mistakes. Here's what I've discovered nearly 2 years in!

To All The Mummies Still Waiting For Their Babies

Many months ago on an episode of One Born Every Minute an expectant father described his wife as being a mother without a child and that she would mother any child (and a few adults too) that she came into contact with. My husband turned to me and said "that's you, that's how you were".

The ability and kindness to care for any child in your life is a wonderful trait to have but it can also be something of a curse. Being an aunt, whether it be via family or friendship (what I call an aunty by acquaintance), gives you a quick fix but it doesn't fill that void in your heart.

Those of you that are regular readers will know I have now been lucky enough to blessed with a baby and therefore, parenthood. I am 22 months in and literally love every moment. Don't get me wrong there are some really bad days, shitty days (literally),  but when I climb into bed I feel forever blessed by the little ginger's presence.

Push, Drag, Stitches

So, my waters have gone. It's official. I am in labour. The midwife has a look and confirms it's my waters and I haven't wet myself. Within a few minutes I am on the bed and having a drip but into my hand. I'm told it's to speed my labour up and to begin with it's fine. A midwife will now be with me for the duration and my husband goes off to get some lunch, as the midwife rigs me up to my friend, the monitor.

When he comes back the midwife tells him how well I'm doing and we chat among ourselves. Then the drip strength is doubled and the pain is stronger and quicker. Then it's doubled again and it's bad. The midwife times the contractions and they are lasting far to long with too little a break. I can't breathe. I need the loo. I'm going to be sick and then, well then, it all goes blurred and dark.

The Time Has Come

This is it. I have been admitted to hospital and all being well I shall leave with a baby in my arms.

My husband brings in my case and helps me settle in but once he's gone I feel lonely. Lonely and scared. The midwife has pulled everyone's cubical curtains back so I hope to spark up a conversation but it's not to be. The other expectant mums pull them back round and continue to talk on their phones.

Just after ten I am told it's time for lights out but as the doctor has said I should go back on the monitor and have a sweep I ask the midwife when this will be done. She tells me there's nothing on my notes and walks off.  Half an hour later I am woken by a tapping on my shoulder. The midwife is back with the machine I am now best friends with and tells me I need to go back on the monitor. It's like our earlier conversation never even happened! Bean's shuffling starts and I am on the monitor until gone one in the morning. There's no mention of a sweep being done and when I'm finally off the machine I'm left to settle down to sleep but I barely do. I toss and turn. Sit up and lie down. I am worried. I'm a bit scared. I'm lying, I'm bloody terrified! I want my husband. I want my baby. I want to go home.

The final countdown

So here I am again, wired up and lying on a hospital bed. Oh joy. I'm on and off for an hour as the baby keeps shuffling away from the monitor. I get a break when I'm sent for a scan and am greeted by the same midwife as before. She explains the scan will be the same as before, with measurements taken and the baby's movements being checked. The midwife makes a start and I quickly hear the baby's heartbeat but as I look at the large screen on the wall one thing is clear. The baby isn't moving at all.

After nearly twenty minutes of being scanned the midwife calmly tells me that the baby is probably asleep. She suggests I go back out to the waiting area and drink some ice cold water from the water cooler. The midwife shows me out of the room and calmly closes the door. I put my bags down and as I shuffle past the other expectant parents. I see her go at speed across the waiting area and into a side room. I see her outline through the frosted glass of the office and can see her on the phone. When the midwife calls me back in she tries to reassure me as much as possible but it doesn't work.

Spring 2014

So here I am between 34 and 35 weeks pregnant, sitting on a bed in the labour suite of the local hospital, legs akimbo and a light being shone up, well, you know where!

After an uncomfortable few minutes I am told my cervix is closed, which is a good sign. I am sent home and told to return the next day for more monitoring and another scan. I am exhausted but the thought of my husband or Mum packing my things prompts me to stay up a little longer and throw together my hospital bag.

The next morning I decide to go into work before my appointment at the hospital. My boss is really understanding and has already told me not to go in but I really don't want to leave them in a mess. I try and creep in but the waddle in my walk and the large bump give me away. I promptly get an almighty bollocking for going in, which looking back is well deserved! I do the bits needed and one of my colleagues, commonly known as my work wife makes me a drink. I'm not sure which is more of a miracle, the fact I am pregnant or that she has made a drink! I feel quite tearful as I leave and my work wife has to turn away as we sniffle our goodbyes.

Winter / Spring 2014 - Bringing it all up to date!

So I’ll admit it. I’ve been very slack on the blogging front. Posting little snippets here and there and not bringing you up to date. Over the next few days I will bring you up to date. So, here it goes, from 2014 to now. Hold on to your knickers it’s going to be a bumpy ride!!

I last blogged about January 2014. I had a kidney infection and my midwife had told me to ask the GP to check for a heartbeat with a Doppler. When she does the GP can’t find a heartbeat. I am obviously upset. Close to distraught. She tells me to relax. If the midwife didn’t hear it last time she wouldn’t be able to find it. I tell her the midwife did find the heartbeat. She looks uneasy and tells me again not to worry.

By the time my husband gets home I have turned the house upside down looking for the open letter the hospital gave me. I can’t find it. I admit defeat and call one of the numbers on my notes. I explain the situation to the midwife on the phone. She is truly lovely and agrees that telling me not to worry is not the best advice. The midwife tries the best to reassure me and tells me to make my way in to one of the wards. One of the staff will then call them when I’m there, as they work out of an office on the ward in the evening.

Winter 14 - The trouble starts

As I sit and wait at the Doctor's I feel sick with nerves. They are running behind and the GP's seem to be trying to rush through patients. I am finally called in and tell the GP my concerns. She tests the sample I have taken and agrees with the midwife that it is likely I have a kidney or bladder infection. She double checks which antibiotics to give me and writes a prescription. I mention a couple of times that Angie has said they should listen to the baby but she doesn't seem overly keen. In the end I say I will call Angie as I leave and see what she suggests to do. At that point the Doctor jumps up and goes to find the practice doppler.

After a few minutes I think she's forgot me and gone home but she appears in a fluster and tells me to lay on the bed. I do as asked and adjust my clothes. The Doctor puts the gel on my stomach and pushes the monitor around.

Crackling.........crackling..........crackling...........no heartbeat. The Doctor pushes down harder with the doppler. I do the best to fight back tears and the urge to wee. I don't know what to make of what the GP says next.

Winter 2013/14 - The 12 week scan, Christmas and New Year!

When we reach the 12 week scan date my husband and I are beyond excited but also incredibly nervous. When we arrive at our local hospital I am taken into a side area and have bloods taken, blood pressure done etc. Once that's done we have a short wait and are called into the sonographers room. The sonographer tells us she will do the scan, check things over and take all the measurements she needs to. Once she's happy she will tell us what she sees. As she starts she tells us we can look at the flat screen TV on the wall and we will be able to see our baby. Our little baby flickers on to the screen. A baby. An actual BABY!! No longer a little flickering bean shaped heartbeat but an ACTUAL BABY!! Once the sonographer has finished she assures us everything seems ok, pointing out the head and the babies long legs. Just like Daddy already! She asks if we have any questions and we both seem to sit in silence. After a moment we both explain we are still amazed to be pregnant and although we are well aware of what a baby looks like on a sonogram it seems a huge jump from our little Bean to an actual baby shaped baby!