Wednesday 24 August 2016

When the shitty just gets shittier

Poo emoji

The last couple of weeks have been pretty shit. It feels like an endless conveyor belt of shitness, so obviously feel I should share it with you.

Monday - I feel like shit and after a weekend of barbecues and seeing friends it dawns on me I haven't taken my vitamin D tablets. Well done love, well done. Joseph wakes up as I'm getting dressed and is shouting for my attention. Its with good reason as when I go to him a few minutes later his Aldi nappy has sprung a leak and he is soaked as is his bedding. Duvet and pillow included. Yes, he sits on his pillow in bed. Another two loads of washing for the practically broke machine.

Tuesday - I've planned to see a work friend on her lunch break and am super organised in getting prepared. Joseph's backpack is ready and I prepare him a lovely fruit salad for his lunch. Today will be a better day I tell myself. I'm a fucking liar.

I open the dishwasher and discover its not working properly and the top shelf is still dirty. FFS. Its a downward spiral from there. The shopping I intend to 'nip' and do before meeting her is a write off. Queues and waiting and then I realise I haven't picked up Josephs's lunch. Add in a tantrum at Costa as he demands the strawberries I've bought him as a replacement. He chomps on them as well as half my lunch. I realise when I get home and count the tops that he has put back in the tub that he's eaten nearly 40!!! Well that nappy is going to be a delight!

Wednesday - My sewing machine is nob.

Thursday - Super busy day at work and then as I tell myself I will just finish what I am working on before I leave, I get a phone call. One of those phone calls from nursery that goes 'everything is ok BUT'. Joseph has bumped his head on the concrete, grazed various body parts and split open his eyebrow. Cue Mummy type my baby needs me panic as I dash to the car and collect him. I try and take comfort in the fact he is a complete legend, doesn't cry and has been well looked after. It does bring about the working mum guilt though. Fantastic.

Oh and the sewing machine is still a nob.

Friday - Another busy day and I get delayed leaving as hubs is waiting outside. As I dash to the car I here a noise. My mechanic husband is sat inside looking oblivious. I great him with a "hello, what's that fucking noise". He leans out the window, "exhaust" is the one word answer I get.  FFS.

Saturday - It's a full bedding change again thanks to another nappy leak. I have to chase Joseph round for half an hour to get his bloody shoes on making us late for a party. When we get to the party he doesn't quite grasp the soft play, no shoes situation and repeatedly takes them off me and runs away.

Sunday - I realise when I check my emails that Brown Owl sent me a reminder about submitting our Brownie accounts for audit. What have I done about it? Fuck all.

Monday - I have another blood test to have taken and manage to pull a get there early shocker, even with babs in tow. It's a good job. There is nowhere to park AGAIN. It seems people are using the GP's surgery car park as a park and ride for the tram. Bloody morons.

Then the blood nurse has the needle in my arm but can't get the blood out, so she pushes and pushes. I get hotter and hotter. As I'm about to vomit into her lap she looks up and sees I'm even light shade of pale as normal. She takes it out and tries another vein. No doubt I have scarred babs for life. AGAIN.

I head out for an evening with friends and as we settle in at the restaurant I find I've got a missed call from hubs. I hate to think what the toddler has done. Maybe the exhaust has fallen off. Either way at least it hasn't happened on my watch. Both guesses are wrong and it seems Mum is on her latest trip to the local hospital. This brings the obvious worry and a childcare crisis for later in the week. I then feel massively worried thinking about childcare.

Tuesday - I get ready to head over to Mum's to give her a stern talking to but babs fills his nappy before we leave, which obvious leads to a Mummy on toddler struggle that no amount of Netflix distraction can help with. There is no chocolate or poo debate needed. I have shit on my hands.

Its easy to forget when times are shit that there have been less shitty times too.

Yes, babs had a meltdown/tantrum in Costa but he was hungry and he stopped within a minute and I enjoyed my lunch with my friend once he had.
Yes, he ate nearly a whole container of strawberries but my toddler ate fruit and loved it. GO ME! OK, GO BABS!!!
Yes, the sewing machine is a nob but hubs helped fix it and we didn't argue that much in the process. The result was finishing a gift for the birthday girl of the party we went to and she loved it, as did her Mum so it was well worth it!
Yes, Joseph had an accident at nursery but he was well looked after and in safe hands with the nursery staff. The joys of flexi-time meant you could leave and get to him straight away.
Yes, the exhaust is about to fall off but hubs is a mechanic. He will fix it. When he remembers!
Yes, nappies leak. Buy a bigger size with better absorbency. 
Yes, Joseph doesn't quite comprehend the shoes on to go out but off at soft play but it was his first party. He was one of the youngest there and did so well to play, eat and have fun. He just wanted to know his shoes were safe the whole time.
Yes, you forgot about the Brownie accounts but I got them done and we also went out for a lovely meal that day. Joseph was super well behaved and we drove round looking at houses we can't afford. One of my favourite past-times.
Yes, having a needle rammed into my arm was shit but it's not my first time at the fertility rodeo. Suck it up buttercup.
Yes, Mum was in hospital but they have got a good idea of what has wrong and she half took on board her stern talking to and didn't laugh the whole time.
Yes, I got shit on my hands but I made the producer of said shit and love him just the same.

When shit gets everywhere do what most parents do. Get a wet wipe or half a dozen and wipe it away. Tomorrow is a new day and there'll be some shit free parts. Hopefully. 

Mummy Snowy Owl

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