Tuesday 22 March 2016

To All The Mummies Still Waiting For Their Babies

Many months ago on an episode of One Born Every Minute an expectant father described his wife as being a mother without a child and that she would mother any child (and a few adults too) that she came into contact with. My husband turned to me and said "that's you, that's how you were".

The ability and kindness to care for any child in your life is a wonderful trait to have but it can also be something of a curse. Being an aunt, whether it be via family or friendship (what I call an aunty by acquaintance), gives you a quick fix but it doesn't fill that void in your heart.

Those of you that are regular readers will know I have now been lucky enough to blessed with a baby and therefore, parenthood. I am 22 months in and literally love every moment. Don't get me wrong there are some really bad days, shitty days (literally),  but when I climb into bed I feel forever blessed by the little ginger's presence.

Sleeping newborn baby in a hospital cot

But I know some of you haven't had that joy yet and you continue to face the fertility battle. You are still waiting for your babies. Whether it be endometriosis, polycystic ovary syndrome or the dreaded 'unexplained fertility issues' (so you have no bloody idea what you're dealing with), I know what a battle it can be. A battle fought with big pants, giant sanitary pads, fertility drugs and an army of people looking up your front bottom. A battle that seems endless.

Looking back it all seems so long ago now and I sometimes wonder what I would say to my pre-baby self. The barren me.

There were days I cannot even begin to explain how low I felt. Days where I'd had enough and felt the world was against me and my womb. When I'd falsely tell myself what's meant to be will be. Days I didn't want to get out of bed, let alone speak to anyone or engage with the world. The comfort eating certainly didn't help the situation either.

Even though your husband/partner/boyfriend is by your side it can be so very lonely.

If I met my pre-baby self I would slap the cake from my hand, shake myself vigorously and shout DON'T GIVE UP! DON'T EVER, EVER GIVE UP.

Now, I say it to you. Stop sulking, pick yourself up and face this head on. Make yourself as healthy as you can be. Take the vitamins. Have a good read about your condition. Most of all don't be ashamed. Struggling to conceive can have an effect on your mental health. Consider therapy if you need to talk things through with a professional. Have a good read about ways to cope with the stress of trying to conceive.

Don't be embarrassed. I lost count of how many times when someone asked when we'd have children that I'd flush with embarrassment and look at my feet. I realise now I shouldn't off. Struggling to have children and having fertility issues is nothing to be ashamed of. Nor is wanting to be a parent so much that you will try, try and try again.

Stay strong. Keep trying. Stick together.

And put down the cake.

Mummy Snowy Owl

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