So, my waters have gone. It's official. I am in labour. The midwife has a look and confirms it's my waters and I haven't wet myself. Within a few minutes I am on the bed and having a drip but into my hand. I'm told it's to speed my labour up and to begin with it's fine. A midwife will now be with me for the duration and my husband goes off to get some lunch, as the midwife rigs me up to my friend, the monitor.
When he comes back the midwife tells him how well I'm doing and we chat among ourselves. Then the drip strength is doubled and the pain is stronger and quicker. Then it's doubled again and it's bad. The midwife times the contractions and they are lasting far to long with too little a break. I can't breathe. I need the loo. I'm going to be sick and then, well then, it all goes blurred and dark.
I come round to the midwife standing over me as her and my husband prepare to pull me up the bed. A few more rounds of nearly a minutes pain followed by a ten second break and the midwife calls for a second opinion. They strongly suggest an epidural and I start to cry. I've no idea why. I always said I'd take all the drugs they'd give me and now I'm crying. I feel defeated. I can't do it. I always said I wouldn't say those words, 'I can't do it'. I haven't got much choice have I? I don't even think I can hold still long enough for the epidural to go in.
The drip is turned back down so there is a long enough between contractions for me to have the epidural. The midwife reassures me I'm doing the right thing and I feel relived when it starts to take effect. There's a change over in staff and the midwife wishes me all the best as I'm introduced to the next one. The new one looks at my notes and tells me how well I did on the drip without the epidural. I tell her it certainly didn't feel that way but she reassures me and explains it's normal for the epidural to be done after the first increase and I did well to get so far with it. Bloody hell. I wish the other midwife would have told me that! Maybe I can do this. I'm spurred on further by a visit from my midwife, Angie. She is covering the the home births and has picked up my voicemail from a few days ago and when she checks on her computer finds I'm nearby, so comes to wish me well. Angie has been a great support and I will always be grateful to her.
Some time passes and I can still lightly feel the contractions but then it's suddenly all happening. They are strong. I feel the pain through the epidural in my back and bum. Then the midwife is at my side looking at the monitor and moving the pads on my stomach. Where has bean gone?
A few seconds pass and bean is back. Faintly but he's there. Another contraction and he's gone again. The midwife helps me lift my bum and he's back. Then there's people in the room. Another midwife. What I think are doctor's and an anesthetist. Everyone is looking at the monitor and up my front bottom. I'm examined and bean is there but at an angle. I'm told to push a couple of times and they tickle bean's head in the hope it will jolt over but it doesn't work and then the heartbeats gone again. Within minutes I am given some forms to sign. I have to go into theatre for a forceps delivery. It has to be in theatre because if it doesn't work I need to have a cesarean and it all needs to be done quickly. It has to be done now.
I quickly read the forms and my husband is put into scrubs. I'm wheeled in and pulled onto the table. I find myself resisting as two male theatre assistants lift my legs into stirrups, I don't know why. My dignity is clearly out the window and half way round the world by now.
Now, for the rest, I won't go into graphic details but with more epidural, gas and air, pulling, pushing, forceps, cuts and stitches, our little bean is born.
My beautiful, beautiful boy is here. Born back to back, his head at an angle and the cord round his neck, he's had a rough ride but he is here. My beautiful boy is here. He has ginger hair and the longest eyelashes I have ever seen. He is amazing. My beautiful, beautiful boy, you are finally here. I love you. X
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