Sunday, 30 September 2018

Goodbye September

I've never done one of these month in review type posts before but it's been a hell of a month, so I thought I might. Maybe it'll be therapeutic? Who knows!!?

September has been very up and down, not just for me but for us as a family. Some of it is just too personal to share.

Mother and son walking in a woodland

The biggest thing has obviously been bidding our farewells to our preschooler and welcoming a school boy. We got off to a good start. There were no tears. Well, I kept mine in until we got home but there were no public tears. So far we haven't been late, which for those that know me has probably caused a gasp. I know, I can't quite believe it either!

A little boy holding up a sign saying last day of preschool

As tiredness has crept in though there has been lots of tears and in some cases they have been everyday, and on one occasion I couldn't hold it in and I cried in the corridor with him. I know I shouldn't of but for that moment I could see his heartbreaking and mine did too.

From that the Mum guilt has begun to weigh heavily on my shoulders. Is he ready? Isn't he? Is it just me? I still don't really know. I feel that I'm doubting all my decisions at the moment, no matter how right they feel. 

The Mum guilt steadily turned into anxiety and whilst away for the night at BlogOn I couldn't sleep. When morning came around I just wanted to go home but I couldn't. There weren't any trains until later, trust me I checked, so I headed into the conference. 

Once there I did enjoy myself and you only have to be as social as you want at BlogOn so I stuck with those I knew. I was still desperate to get back to my boy though.

Aside from starting school woes there have been some positives!

Although we continue to live in a mess the house is slowly getting back to normal as we've decorated our smallest bedroom, which was basically a dumping ground, and have changed it to an office. How very professional! But as always with us we've hit a few issues! I also had this amazing idea to paint a desk, which then had to be waxed and go unused for 10 days. Why do I do these things??!!

After a couple of hours out in the garden, Daddy and Joseph have managed to give it a good tidy and have made it look like we haven't just up, left and joined the circus. 

I've also made a huge effort to put myself out into the world a little more, which I won't lie has been a huge struggle! It's looking likely though that I'll be doing more volunteering and I've been to my first yoga class. Having previously done yoga at home it definitely made me try harder. A week on though I'm still covered in bruises! Is that even normal?

Having a fibromyalgia flare and being overwhelmed with Mum guilt lead me to write about self care and made me think about stopping for a few minutes and attempting to do something to make me feel better. 

Chocolate cake on a plate along with a book and teacup and saucer

I also priced up an imaginary holiday to Disneyland Paris, and again, why do I do these things?! It did make me write this piece about our favourite rides, which is something I often get asked about, along with how to get the best interactions after our great photos from our last trip! 

A little boy giving a high five to Buzz Lightyear

Those that follow me on Instagram will also know I've been trying The Organised Mum Method, as I've mentioned it a number of times on my stories. If you feel that you struggle to stay on top of housework or spend your whole weekends cleaning then it's definitely worth a look. At times this month I've felt like everything has been out of control and in a mess but using her method has helped me keep on top of the rooms that don't look like an episode of DIY SOS!

Anyway, goodbye September and hello October. I'm off to google if I'm to old to join the circus!

Mummy Snowy Owl

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