Winter / Spring 2014 - Bringing it all up to date!

So I’ll admit it. I’ve been very slack on the blogging front. Posting little snippets here and there and not bringing you up to date. Over the next few days I will bring you up to date. So, here it goes, from 2014 to now. Hold on to your knickers it’s going to be a bumpy ride!!

I last blogged about January 2014. I had a kidney infection and my midwife had told me to ask the GP to check for a heartbeat with a Doppler. When she does the GP can’t find a heartbeat. I am obviously upset. Close to distraught. She tells me to relax. If the midwife didn’t hear it last time she wouldn’t be able to find it. I tell her the midwife did find the heartbeat. She looks uneasy and tells me again not to worry.

By the time my husband gets home I have turned the house upside down looking for the open letter the hospital gave me. I can’t find it. I admit defeat and call one of the numbers on my notes. I explain the situation to the midwife on the phone. She is truly lovely and agrees that telling me not to worry is not the best advice. The midwife tries the best to reassure me and tells me to make my way in to one of the wards. One of the staff will then call them when I’m there, as they work out of an office on the ward in the evening.

Winter 14 - The trouble starts

As I sit and wait at the Doctor's I feel sick with nerves. They are running behind and the GP's seem to be trying to rush through patients. I am finally called in and tell the GP my concerns. She tests the sample I have taken and agrees with the midwife that it is likely I have a kidney or bladder infection. She double checks which antibiotics to give me and writes a prescription. I mention a couple of times that Angie has said they should listen to the baby but she doesn't seem overly keen. In the end I say I will call Angie as I leave and see what she suggests to do. At that point the Doctor jumps up and goes to find the practice doppler.

After a few minutes I think she's forgot me and gone home but she appears in a fluster and tells me to lay on the bed. I do as asked and adjust my clothes. The Doctor puts the gel on my stomach and pushes the monitor around.

Crackling.........crackling..........crackling...........no heartbeat. The Doctor pushes down harder with the doppler. I do the best to fight back tears and the urge to wee. I don't know what to make of what the GP says next.

Winter 2013/14 - The 12 week scan, Christmas and New Year!

When we reach the 12 week scan date my husband and I are beyond excited but also incredibly nervous. When we arrive at our local hospital I am taken into a side area and have bloods taken, blood pressure done etc. Once that's done we have a short wait and are called into the sonographers room. The sonographer tells us she will do the scan, check things over and take all the measurements she needs to. Once she's happy she will tell us what she sees. As she starts she tells us we can look at the flat screen TV on the wall and we will be able to see our baby. Our little baby flickers on to the screen. A baby. An actual BABY!! No longer a little flickering bean shaped heartbeat but an ACTUAL BABY!! Once the sonographer has finished she assures us everything seems ok, pointing out the head and the babies long legs. Just like Daddy already! She asks if we have any questions and we both seem to sit in silence. After a moment we both explain we are still amazed to be pregnant and although we are well aware of what a baby looks like on a sonogram it seems a huge jump from our little Bean to an actual baby shaped baby!

Autumn/Winter 2013 - Just knocked up - Start of pregnancy to week 12

So the day has nearly come around for my scan and I feel a mix of excitement and anxiety.

My husband and I discussed who and when to tell people and we have told around half a dozen to a dozen people and have sworn them to secrecy. One of those people is my Mum but the problem with telling her is that she CANNOT keep a secret! We did consider not telling our parents but thought it best to in case something unfortunate happened and we needed them. I was still a little unsure about telling them but became backed into a corner when Mum asked me to help her lift something heavy from the car. I said no and she stomped off, whilst my Dad gave me a look that said I was unhelpful little madam! Obviously they were over the moon when I explained why a few minutes later.

By the time my birthday and the scan came around I'm struggling to keep it under wraps. I feel sick a lot of the time but never actually throw up and spend a lot of the time feeling like I've just come off a rollercoaster. On my birthday my sister knocks at the door as I've got my head in the loo and as you can hear me heaving all over the house I think I may have been rumbled. Thankfully, she never asks and doesn't question why I am under the weather.

Autumn/Winter 2013

Waiting, waiting, waiting. I have peed on a stick for the hundredth time and the time has come to look at the results. I look at the stick and at the all important windows. I think I'm going to be sick. There's a line and another. I have more than one line. I look again. There's a line in the test window to say it has been taken correctly and in the results window there are two lines. TWO BLOODY LINES!!!

It has took six years, two operations and a round of Clomid but I am pregnant. ME! PREGNANT!!!! The woman that is barren! The woman that has endometriosis!! I'M PREGNANT!!!! I hear the cleaners approaching and fight the urge to shout from the roof tops and do a little dance in the cubicle instead!

Summer/Autumn 2013 - The Clomid commences

We are on our way to breakfast and the phone call comes sooner than expected. As soon as we've eaten we head back to the hospital to collect the prescription. When I pick it up they wish me luck and book me in for a scan for around the time I am due to ovulate so they can check if I've ovulated or not. I wait for over an hour at the pharmacy and while I wait I let those that need to know or have wanted to know that I'm starting treatment. There's a lot of excited people, good lucks, well wishes and fingers crossed.

When we get home I read the packet and the advice notes cover to cover. It warns of hot flushes, emotions and cramping amongst other things. I take the first one and give myself a 'come on, you can do this'. The first couple of days are fine but on the last day of the tablets and the couple that follow it I am somewhat in a state. By the Monday I am tripping over words, having hot flushes and dizzy spells, my head is pounding and I feel so sick I'm worried about how I going to get on at work. I also have a commitment with the other Brownie leaders and I really don't want to let people down. I get out of bed and try and pull myself together. It doesn't go well. I am tripping wet with sweat and feel like I'm going to pass out. Close to tears, I phone work and let them know I won't be in and I drop Brown Owl a text too. By the time I ring my husband and my Mum I am crying like a baby. Mum arrives soon after and I have another shower to try and cool down and she settles me in front of the TV, like the old days with a blanket (as I'm now freezing) and a Disney film. I'm back at work the next day and things settle down.