Tuesday 7 October 2014

Summer/Autumn 2013 - The Clomid commences

We are on our way to breakfast and the phone call comes sooner than expected. As soon as we've eaten we head back to the hospital to collect the prescription. When I pick it up they wish me luck and book me in for a scan for around the time I am due to ovulate so they can check if I've ovulated or not. I wait for over an hour at the pharmacy and while I wait I let those that need to know or have wanted to know that I'm starting treatment. There's a lot of excited people, good lucks, well wishes and fingers crossed.

When we get home I read the packet and the advice notes cover to cover. It warns of hot flushes, emotions and cramping amongst other things. I take the first one and give myself a 'come on, you can do this'. The first couple of days are fine but on the last day of the tablets and the couple that follow it I am somewhat in a state. By the Monday I am tripping over words, having hot flushes and dizzy spells, my head is pounding and I feel so sick I'm worried about how I going to get on at work. I also have a commitment with the other Brownie leaders and I really don't want to let people down. I get out of bed and try and pull myself together. It doesn't go well. I am tripping wet with sweat and feel like I'm going to pass out. Close to tears, I phone work and let them know I won't be in and I drop Brown Owl a text too. By the time I ring my husband and my Mum I am crying like a baby. Mum arrives soon after and I have another shower to try and cool down and she settles me in front of the TV, like the old days with a blanket (as I'm now freezing) and a Disney film. I'm back at work the next day and things settle down.

As ovulation day moves nearer we commence the fun of trying to make a baby! Around ovulation I'm back at the hospital for a scan so they can check I have ovulated. When I have the internal scan, which wasn't overly pleasant, they can't be sure if I've ovulated or not. There is some fluid, which indicates ovulation but not enough for a definite 'yes, you've ovulated'. They ask me to return a couple of days later and I do.

I'm lucky to have understanding colleagues and managers who are fine with me nipping off to the hospital and coming back. The second time around the hospital confirm I have definitely ovulated but with it being such early days they can't say if we've managed to make our baby yet. They advise to keep trying and to wait and see if my period starts.

We try and stay relaxed as my period due date gets nearer, which is easier said than done! My husband goes to play in a poker tournament one evening and I find myself hopelessly wandering around looking for things to do. I do the ironing, which those who know me know I cannot stand! Next I empty out one of our kitchen cupboards, clean the shelves and go through the contents, putting it all back extremely neatly.

My period due date comes and goes and when I'm about three days late I pluck up the courage to buy a pregnancy test during my lunch break. I buy a couple of other things at the same time so I can hide it in the carrier bag. I have to dodge a couple of work colleagues in the shop and hope none of them have seen the box of pregnancy tests hidden in the basket. I decide not to say anything to my husband as I really don't want to get his hopes up. As close as I am to my work colleagues I don't say anything to them either and later on in the day when everyone is gone and the office is practically deserted I make my way to the toilet to take the test. I want to prepare myself if it hasn't worked and  think about how to break the news to my husband. The thought of which brings tears to my eyes. I know he will be heartbroken if it hasn't worked, as will I.

I open the packet and do the standard peeing on the stick ritual. I have done it so often I don't even read the instructions in the packet. I can probably recite them without looking by now. 

I sit and wait for the result.......................


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