Tuesday 20 January 2015

Autumn/Winter 2013

Waiting, waiting, waiting. I have peed on a stick for the hundredth time and the time has come to look at the results. I look at the stick and at the all important windows. I think I'm going to be sick. There's a line and another. I have more than one line. I look again. There's a line in the test window to say it has been taken correctly and in the results window there are two lines. TWO BLOODY LINES!!!

It has took six years, two operations and a round of Clomid but I am pregnant. ME! PREGNANT!!!! The woman that is barren! The woman that has endometriosis!! I'M PREGNANT!!!! I hear the cleaners approaching and fight the urge to shout from the roof tops and do a little dance in the cubicle instead!

I wash my hands and make a dash to the office. One of the cleaners and I partially collide in the corridor and make each other jump. She seems to keep me talking for ages, although it's probably not that long. It feels like an eternity and I'm desperate to get home and tell my husband. We finally say goodnight and I dash to get my belongings. I have missed calls on my phone from my husband and I call him back to let him know and I'm on my way home. I tell him I have a treat for him and he makes a joke about getting him a cake or a baby! No! Surely he doesn't have me sussed already!  

When I get home we have our usual chit chat about our days and my husband final asks what his surprise is. I tell him to close his eyes and put out his hand. I place the pregnancy test in his hand and he slowly peeks. I think he is in shock.

'Really? Are your sure? But we've only done one round of the drugs.'

I tell him I'm pretty sure and we agree that I will take a second test in the morning before phoning the hospital. I do and again it's positive. The clinic doesn't open until I'm due at work so I nip off and call them. They congratulate me and make an appointment for an early scan, which I should have around seven weeks into the pregnancy. It turns out this is the day after my birthday. The hospital advise me to have the scan before I have the normal GP booking in appointment and I feel anxious as I wait for the day to come round.

Within a week the nausea kicks in and I wonder how long I'll be able to keep our little secret. I feel constantly worried that something will go wrong. I hope to god that the difficult part is over but I have a horrible feeling that just won't go away.


Next blog: The first scan and the first months of pregnancy.

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