It starts


That's it then. It's official. The fertility train has pulled in at the station and we are on the platform with our tickets.

The 1 to 5 day blood test has been done and the day 21 test is booked in. Hubs is booked in to make his deposit shortly after. The swaps are done, the forms filled in and they'll probably be invites, sorry appointments, to look up my front bottom.

The journey starts again and I'm not sure how to feel. 

A bit excited. A bit nervous. A bit sick. A bit like there's a dark cloud looming behind us. That dark cloud is guilt. 

I couldn't put my finger on it for a while but now I'm sure it's guilt and its been there niggling away since we first mentioned trying for another baby. 

The guilt of wanting another child. The guilt of putting my husband through all of this again. The guilt of how much this will cost.

The problem is with me after all. Why can't it just be easy for once. I really wish it didn't have to be this way but no amount of avoiding the blood tests and front bottom viewings or moaning is going to change things.

Suck it up buttercup. It's all aboard the fertility train!

Snowy



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